Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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