Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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