Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
