I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
