im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
