Will you blow on my dice?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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