i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
