im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
