We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
