U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
