Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
