tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
