Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
