you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
