nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
