If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
