You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
