Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
