I hate all girls vehemently.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
