It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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