i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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