I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
