some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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