Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
