I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
