I heard we made out
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think your dad took our porno
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
