If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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