grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
