How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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