so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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