Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
