How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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