WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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