New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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