Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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