nutella sex= disaster
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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