You're my little dorito
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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