You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize