Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
