Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
