Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
