After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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