Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize