Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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