ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
