I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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