Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
