The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize