It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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