Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
