By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
