HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
