they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
