The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
