she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
