ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
