thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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