So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
