Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
