you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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