I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
