Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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