we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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