The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
