shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
