wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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