Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
