I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the raccoons are back...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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