I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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