my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he thought i was a dude.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
