I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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