It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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