I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
