And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
