So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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