I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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