pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
