Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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