ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
