So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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