just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
