she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
