I hate your face
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize