Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
