Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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