So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
