obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
